I became a mom twice—both times through open adoption. Mother’s Day is always special to me. It is joyous because of the incredible gift of my children, yet it is poignant too as I reflect on my children’s birth mothers and how hard it was on them to manage through their teen pregnancy crisis and adoption plans. And I can only imagine that today is happy and sad for them. Those complex and competing emotions have stayed with me for nearly three decades and they bubble to the surface every Mother’s Day.
My oldest child’s birth mom, Jenna is a wise woman. She once said to me, “You did not have joy because of my grief, and both my grief and joy coexisted. One was not at the expense of the other.” It is a deeply emotional day for all of us.
Today I went to church as I do most Sunday’s. I thought about my own mom, now deceased. She was a single mom who raised four girls. For me, it took becoming an adult and a mother to fully understand how hard that must have been for her. And today I prayed for her and gave thanks for her strength and love.
But then my thoughts and prayers went quickly to my children’s birth mothers—Jenna and Rachel. Both of them have full lives now and are married and raising children. We live separate lives.
Yet we will never be separated from each other.
Jenna and Rachel will always be my children’s mother. These birth moms visited with us often in the early years. As time went on, we lived in different states and visits became harder—yet we still made them happen.
We are, and always will, be connected as mothers in the most profound way.
We acknowledged each other every Mother’s Day and today is no different. A relationship between an adoptive mom and a birth mom is truly not anything that anyone can understand—unless you live it. It is on this day that our love and gratitude for each other shines brightly. It is the day we equally share in unconditional love that only a mother understands. It is a day filled with a reminder of our deepest connection.
These are some of my favorite pictures of my children with their birth moms.
